I hopped on an electric scooter the other day, in downtown Prague close to where I live. Granted, I nearly wet myself a few times going over the cobblestones, but my kegeling skills have improved dramatacially since hitting peri-menopause. I’d only ever been on such an apparatus once before, several years ago in Portugal, when my then 16-year-old step-son dared me to give it a go, assuring me that at 49 years old, I’d absolutely love it.

He wasn’t wrong. I’m always up for a dare, truth be told. And those who know me, will attest to my competitive spirit rearing its (often ugly) head at times. Now that’s not to say that I think everyone over 50 should be reckless in their endeavours to try new things. Absolutely not. We should treat ourselves with the love and care we deserve, but let’s have a little fun too, right?

I recently collaborated with Val Troy (my co-writing partner in crime), and Barbara Scully (my wisest friend, author of Wise Up!). We joined forces on a panel called the ‘Madonna Effect’, based loosely on Madonna herself – the singer-songwriter-performer, not the Blessed Virgin Mary (although that gives me another idea). Madonna, the entertainer has reinvented herself many times throughout her life, so we gave a nod to her power and wisdom as she gracefully navigates her way into her 60’s.

Believe it or not, Madonna will be 65 years old in August. She has trail-blazed a path for all women to jump headfirst into their post-menopausal years with enthusiasm, joy and delight. The three of us, all over 50, with Barbara over 60, are paving our way into the second act of our lives with gusto and determination to live our lives to the fullest. (I stole the ‘second act’ from the wonderful Kathy Lette).

The Madonna Effect is about reinvention. Together, we share our individual stories of switching gears after the age of 50, throwing caution to the wind, and trying our hand at new things. We started out at the Listowel Writers Week, entertaining a full house in the beautiful and quaint town of Listowel, and most recently appeared at the Dalkey Book Festival to a sold-out crowd, at the Vico Rooms in the Queens Bar and Lounge.

Our discussions are light and real. They are meaningful and lack bullshit. We expose our raw selves to the audience, with the hope of injecting a little bit of courage to anyone over the age of 40. Who was it that said women over a certain age should be shelved? On the contrary, we are all finding that our best lives are being unravelled right before our very eyes. And it is WILD. Val, a former accountant and mother to three teenagers, is now a comedy writer and producer of live comedy shows. Barbara, a former travel agent, also mother of three, is now a writer and broadcaster. As a former professional squash player and coach, I took up writing at age 50, became a step-parent to two teens at age 49, and now produce those comedy shows with Val.

Reinvention doesn’t have to mean a change in careers. It can involve taking up a new hobby, trying something you’ve always wanted to do but simply didn’t have the time due to family and career commitments. Reinvention taps into your authentic self, the real you, that voice inside that’s always been there, and allows it to be heard. It is, in a way, a journey back to our younger selves, and allowing that adventurous spirit to finally be alive. It’s becoming the person we were always supposed to be. 

Why is it that the spark we once had as young women, gets dimmed and becomes a distant glimmer? Why is it that the zest we oozed years ago, gets quashed? ‘Notions’ is an Irish expression commonly used for the thoughts and ideas we might have later in life to jump feet first into a new adventure. Is it that our lives become so selfless that we forget who we really are? Parenting our children, launching into careers that take over, and caring for elderly parents are all legitimate reasons for forgetting who we really are.

As a nation, Irish women were raised (at least in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s) to ‘do the right thing’. To ‘people please’. To ‘not cause a fuss’. To ‘do whats best for the family’. History has proven that the men in our lives were the ultimate bread-winners, while women stayed at home and took care of the kids and the homestead. Things slowly began to change in the late 80’s in Ireland, but that’s not to say it wasn’t frowned upon.

And what happens then, when the kids have grown up, the husband has taken up golf (okay a cliché, I know) or maybe even died (some might be glad!), our hormones shift in a most undesirable direction, and the realization that we are pretty much half way there hits home? What was it all for? Well, in our humble ‘notions-filled’ opinion, NOW comes the best part. We don’t have to please anyone anymore. We have found a new freedom to self-indulge in our own dreams. And sure, why not?

I lost a close friend on April 4^th, after a very short illness. She was 53. She was a mother, a wife, a sister, a career woman, a party planner, a holiday maker, a lover of life, and a great friend to many. And she’s gone. I spent two hours talking to her a month before she died. She was full of hope. Her positivity around her will to live was astounding. I walked away from her that day, knowing I’d never see her again, but I was invigorated by her unfathomable zest to keep on living. I walked away with a gift. The gift was knowing that my time is not up yet. So, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure the rest of my life, however long, is overflowing. (Not necessarily with Prosecco, although it will have its place).

A question from the audience towards the end of one of our panel discussion was regarding Fear. How do we deal with the fear of failure, or the fear of even getting started?

I have learned to use Fear as a motivation. Let me give you an example. I was watching Break Point on Netflix recently, which takes us on a journey behind the scenes with professional tennis players, as they share their stories of preparation for the Grand Slams of the tour. While some of it is unnecessary fluff, I found Matteo Berrettini in particular, to be rather astute. These players are faced with immense pressure from parents, social media, and of course themselves. Something Berrettini said really stuck with me. He talked about how he played better and performed better, when he felt afraid. He said he needed that fear to fuel his passion, his determination, and his self-belief. He referred to a final where he played against Novak Djokovik, and how he felt ‘no fear, but just happy to be there’. This was not a good state to be in, in terms of competing. He needed to feel ‘a bit of fear’.

I equate that to two parts of my life. One, when I compete in Masters squash tournaments. I need to feel a certain amount of fear or pressure in order to play my best. Secondly, when I’m performing stand-up comedy, if I’m feeling a little too relaxed, it never seems to go as well as when I’m feeling nervous before hand.  It’s as if my mind wants me to feel that pressure, daring me to try something that is absolutely frightening, and then the universe provides me with everything we need to succeed. Yes, I trust in the Universe. It’s a bit woo woo, but I believe having a bit of fear, or nerves, or whatever it is for you, is important to have, in order to take the risk. I’m not talking about anxiety here – absolutely not. I’m talking about that little ball of nervous excitement you might feel before you step on a roller-coaster, that knot of ‘oh why the hell did I agree to do this’ giddiness before you grab that microphone and sing your heart out at a karaoke gig for the first time…It’s a healthy and fun fear. As my pal Val always says: “What could possibly go wrong?”

I use the mantra, Risk is Better than Regret, all the time. It’s on a yellow post-it-note stuck to my desk. So, whether it’s hopping on an electric scooter despite only allowing it to go at a snail’s pace (In fact I noticed many pedestrians passing me by at their natural walking pace! I was still kegeling), or submitting that short story to a writing competition, or choosing to dance naked in your living room (preferably when your kids are not around), Take the Risk! Let a little bit of fear be your motivator.

From the words of Guy Lombardo, remember to enjoy yourselves….it’s later than you think.

The Madonna Effect will appear (not in the form of an apparition) at the Dingle Book Festival on November 17^th.  https://dinglelit.ie/